New Life, New Blog Face

I decided to update the face of my blog because I feel like I'm headed on the right path towards a new life.  I've had a hard time blogging over the summer, partly because of time, but also because I wasn't quite sure which parts of what I was going through to share with everyone.  But now that the transition is basically over, hopefully I'll be more confident in sharing what's happening with my readers.

I've had a really hard time for several years as people have insisted that the best way to be is to be confident in who I am and be that person and to only display that single personality type.  I've found recently for myself, however, that this perspective is incredibly confining.  I can't think of anything more personally restrictive than choosing a single way of being and forcing myself to only exist in that one manner, regardless of any daily inclinations I might have to do something different.

While I realize that, for some, the idea of being only one personality is freeing - no need to remember who you are around which people or whatever.  For them, the idea of being different "people" might seem strange or even terrifying.  I can see how others might view my personal choice as downright schizophrenic.  I disagree with that assessment.  Someone who suffers from schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder does it because they cannot control it.  I can see how others might view my take on the matter as simply an unwillingness to commit to some ideal social standard of "what is normal."  Again, I disagree, but this time because of the pure and simple fact that being multifaceted with my personality is just that: a choice.

I've been afraid for so long to allow myself the option of being what is right for me.  I've spent a long time trying to be something definable, something that can be put into some kind of a classification.  But I've come to realize that, for me, doing so only denies my true nature and forces me to ignore several dimensions of my basic nature in order to display others.  I'm done with doing that.  It sucks.


The analogy to use is that of a diamond.  Uncut,  a diamond is certainly lovely and very strong.  It has several qualities of value, though its true potential has yet to be realized.  A cut diamond, on the other hand, shows quite a change.  The gem always retains its strength, but once the blemishes are removed and the edges cut and polished the diamond's true beauty is finally revealed.  It is only when the gem has facets cut into it that its true potential comes forth.  So it is with me.  In order for my true inner beauty, the potential I have within myself, to come alive and display itself for the world to see and appreciate, I can't confine myself to one or to basic, "acceptable" definitions.  I am deeper and wider and more faceted than that.  And it's only by letting myself be cut and polished that I am able to show not only my strength by also my beauty.  Only by choosing to be multifaceted am I able to show my complete worth.