Remembering That I've Grown Up Can Be Hard

I've been bad lately.  Not to other people, but to myself.  That dirtbag from last post?  I may or may not have fallen for him just a tiny bit.  And it's making me pathetic.  It's times like these that I wish I owned the movie He's Just Not That Into You because Alex, played by one

Justin Long, being hott

of the hottest sexy skinny nerdy men of all time, dispenses some fantastic advice.  Advice I wish I could remember all the time, but can't ever seem to. Advice like "So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions." and "If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you." and "If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what."  Why do I keep forgetting this advice and trying so hard?  Why can't I seem to walk away from guys whose inattention leaves me feeling desperate and inadequate?  I'm better than this.

There's a lot of truth to the realizations Gigi comes to in the movie about being the "rule" rather than the "exception" in bad dating stories, but I don't think that's my problem.  I think my problem is that once, a long time ago, I convinced myself that I should never give up hope in dating and relationships, and that I never wanted to be the one guilty of giving up first or not trying hard enough.  And now, I'm paying for it.

Sort of.  I mean, in a cost/benefit analysis situation, I'm not really paying that much for it, assuming it eventually pays off.  I don't love putting myself out there and getting rejected, don't get me wrong, but I'd rather be guilty of making too much of an effort than of not making any effort at all.  Gigi has something really great to say about all of this, so I'm going to let her take it away:

I would rather be like that, then be like you.  ...  I may dissect each little thing and put myself out there so much but at least that means that I still care. Oh! You've think you won because women are expendable to you. You may not get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way but you don't fall in love that way either. You have not won. You're alone. I may do a lot of stupid shit but I'm still a lot closer to love than you are. 

How great is that?  And how true.  Some people think that in order to feel "truly alive" they have to go skydiving or something equally as crazy (or more so).  But not me.  I think living life to the fullest is about experiencing a full range of emotions, and doing so passionately.

Which means loving and hoping and giving passionately.  And hurting and crying passionately sometimes too.  And I'm ok with that.

What I'm not ok with is forgetting to treat myself well by dating (or pursuing) guys who make me feel expendable.  I need to work on that.