And yet today I find that the same complaint I've had for probably about a decade is still true. Somewhere in my 15-year-old brain, I kept hoping that things would change when I, and those around me, became adults. Turns out, the same problems that I had in high school are just as true today as they where nine years ago.
To explain what's happening, I should probably start about six months ago. Last semester, there was a guy in my Stagecrafting class. Seemed like a nice enough guy, and I tried talking to him a couple of times, but he basically seemed to blow me off. Not a big deal. He seemed at the time to be a little more mature than the freshman in the class, which is good seeing as he's three or so years older than I am, so I just chocked it up to the general "I'm more mature than everyone here and most of them are beneath me" attitude that many students get when they're older than nearly all of their peers. I'm guilty of the same attitude on occasion. Whatever.
Flash forward to Monday. After a few times of people goading me to register at PlentyOfFish.com, I decided to finally give in. After all, one never knows where he or she will find the opportunity that leads them to their next relationship. So, swallowing my pride and realizing that I was a hypocrite to do so after all that I've said about online dating, I filled out a profile and uploaded a picture. Huzzah?
Amusingly, this same guy was one of my top matches after I'd registered. We happen to have some contact via the theater department for the next couple of weeks, so I mentioned it to him on Tuesday. He went on and found me yesterday, and sent me his number. He mentioned to me yesterday that he'd found my profile, and told me that I was something of a mystery because apparently my behavior in the theater building doesn't match my profile.
So when I got home last night, I checked my POF email to see what was up, and we both ended up being online. We IMed, then we texted, and things seemed to be going ok. He's interesting, and apparently I was interesting to him. Seemed like a good sign.
He mentioned several times that he prefers truth and is open about things, but that he's shy and he doesn't get subtlety, so after some more texting this morning I mentioned that I'm fed up with calling the shots in relationships of any kind and that, if things were going to move past us being texting buddies, he'd have to make the effort first. I also said that I was looking for a relationship and not a quick hookup. And apparently that freaked him out. I guess I don't get it: I suppose being open about things is his specialty, not something he likes from others.
Or maybe he's just being like nearly every other guy I've met. See, men seem to have this problem. They say they want certain things in a woman - intelligence, independence, honesty - or that they don't like certain things - head games, promiscuity, Jessica-Simpson-esque conversation skills - and yet, when a woman like they've claimed to want shows up, rejection ensues.
This isn't just something that happens to me. I know plenty of amazing, confident, intelligent, beautiful women who are single because men seem to be falling all over themselves to date the women who exhibit the media's idea of perfection and who are exactly what they claim to be trying NOT to find. I don't understand this.
My silly little example is but one among many. And who knows, maybe he's just waiting until he sees me tonight to hash it out. But I doubt it. I think that men would prefer that women go back to being 50s house wives, a la Stepford Wives. It makes me sick. No wonder I'm tired of dating.
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| For my male readers: your apparent ideal |
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