Things You Should Never, Ever Do

***This post is meant to be both silly and serious.  I will probably offend several of you.  I'm in the kind of mood where I don't really care if you choose to be offended, take things out of context, etc.  You're probably an adult (legally, if not emotionally), so act like it, mmkay?***

1.  Do not feel good about yourself just because you're buying organic food.
Let me say right off the bat that some organic food is awesome.  I swear that the organic tomatoes at Fred Meyer are the best in Pocatello.  I think farm-raised chicken eggs taste better and I'll buy them (or steal them from my parents' fridge) whenever I can.  I swear my allergies have gotten better since I started eating raw honey from a local bee farm.  It's an accepted "fact" that most stuff grown in your own garden and eaten as soon as you've picked it is healthier than buying it at the grocery store fresh, and definitely better than frozen or canned (though in some cases it's apparently better to cook certain veggies... admittedly I haven't done any kind of cursory research there).

HOWEVER.  Just because it says "organic" on the label doesn't mean you should trust it.  Same goes for "made with real juice" (check the content list on the back), "green" products, and a host of other claims.  From what I understand, the FDA's requirements on companies being able to use those kinds of claims are pretty lax or convoluted, so unless you know where your food is coming from (like, seen the farm, garden, orchard, etc.) and feel like you can trust the farmer/rancher selling you the stuff, don't pat yourself on the back for feeding you or your family better just because your carrots are uglier.

HOWEVER.  Ways you can pat yourself on the back?  Making your food from raw ingredients when you can afford to.  Skipping frozen dinners, sweet snacks, high fructose corn syrup in all it's forms, and fast food.  Balancing your food intake so that you're getting a nice variety of foods (the USDA's Food Pyramid might not be 100% perfect according to the most recent study you've read, but it's a lot healthier than an All Carbs All the Time diet).  Controlling portion sizes and caloric intake.  Those are going to make a bigger impact on your health than buying something labeled "organic."


2.  Do not open this inside your house.

Yes, that's a picture of 9,000 lady buys in a jar.  Good for your garden.  Bad for your house.


3.  Do not get stupid tattoos.
So I get that it's your body and you can do what you want with it.  And I get that this includes getting dumb tattoos.  BUT, stupid tattoos are stupid.

So what do I think constitutes a stupid tattoo?  I mean, sometimes you just know it when you see it.  It might be the concept, sometimes the placement, often the execution.  Sometimes you just look like a dumb tramp.  Sometimes your "artistic" tattoo just looks freakish.  Sometimes your tattoo is a bit too current pop culture.  Sometimes your tattoo is spelled incorrectly.  Sometimes what you thought would look cool just ends up looking like an infectious disease.  Sometimes it's clear from your tattoo that you lost a bet.  Sometimes your tattoo just says that you'd rather not contribute to society ever again.

Not all tattoos are dumb.  This one is pretty cool.  This one belongs to a friend of mine.  This guy is freaking awesome, and I'm half tempted to get this one.  I mean, I guess the thing that gets me is that this stuff is basically permanent (blah, blah, blah laser treatments, I know), and why would you want some of it on your body forever?  How do some of these "canvases" expect to be taken seriously?  Like this guy:

Oh, wait.  Apparently there's Dermablend for that now.

Well then, mark up your body however you want.  Carry on.

4.  Do not assume your friends have your quirky sensibilities when you make, buy, or give them stuff.

Personally, I find the idea of making one of these for all my girlfriends insanely hilarious: 

It's a purse shaped like a uterus and ovaries.  Get it?  

Says the creator of this lovely crochet pattern: "Perfect for storing feminine hygiene products while on the go (Tampax Pearl Shown), or as a gag gift for new or expecting mothers!"  I'm not sure how it's perfect for new/expecting mothers (condoms, maybe?), but I sure as hell know that none of my friends would find this as adorably woman-positive as I did.  I imagine our taste differences don't end here.

5.  Do not press.

6.  Do not dress up to fly.

Or travel at all unless you're commuting to work/school.  Seriously.  There is no point.

Every.  Damn.  Time.


7.  Do not judge an entire breed of dogs just because a few of them have been beaten and starved into being vicious.

Also, do not let me ever catch you abusing your dog.  I will end you.


8.  Do not show up at my house and knock on my door without first calling and telling me you're coming.

Seriously, that is one of the rudest things.  Ever.  I'm a large-chested gal, and I like to run around without my bra on because it's much more comfortable.  However, I don't like to answer my door without it on.  It's much too personal, and we don't have that kind of relationship.  Or what if I'm in the bathroom?  Or avoiding you?  If I'm interested in entertaining you, I'll answer my phone and prepare to receive guests.  If I don't pick up, there's usually a reason why.  Call first (or text, or fb, or send me an email... I'm flexible).


9.  Do not body shame. 

Yes, there is an ideal weight range that the majority of healthy people fall within.  Yes, there are examples where people outside of this ideal weight range should be working with their doctors to lose or gain weight in order to put their bodies in a healthy place along a variety of indicators.  No, neither you nor I have any right to comment on someone's BMI like we've read all the details of her or his medical chart.

Everyone deserves positive feedback.  Maybe you find someone's physical features unattractive; compliment their shoes or the color of their shirt.  TELL PEOPLE when they look good (or when you notice that they've put some effort into their look - everyone likes to know they've been noticed).  Compliments don't cost you anything.  Give them away as freely as you possibly can.  The more you do it, the easier and more natural it gets.  Make someone's day a little brighter and give them a sincere compliment.

Why I'm Against Public Breastfeeding... Kind Of...

A friend of mine just posted a link to this article about a picture of breastfeeding mothers.  Two of the mothers are in their military uniforms (see below).

(Photo Credit: Brynja Sigurdardottir)

My friend's comment on the article was "Very interesting. It amazes me that feeding babies is such a social taboo... I hate to be obvious, but that's what breasts are FOR."

As a third wave feminist (Wikipedia basics), I've got a lot to say on the topic of breastfeeding in public.  Apart from the biological pros (some decently skewed articles here and here), there are a bunch of social issues to consider.

Admittedly, my first response to my friend's comment was "by that same logic, I ought to be able to have sex, urinate, or defecate in public because that's what those body parts are FOR."  Not one of my most enlightened thoughts.  However, it touches on one of the main issues (in my mind) about breast feeding: why do many people find it so disturbing?

One of the easiest (and culturally-influenced) explanations is that breastfeeding might have something to do with modesty.  After all, whipping boobs out in public is generally considered immodest (to put it mildly), and in our Puritanical society "good, honest, sweet women just don't do that."  (For my LDS friends, the general definition of modest living, not the screwed up version that obsesses about the length of shorts, naked shoulders, and "sexy" babies, is what I'm talking about - helpful articles that give some context here and here.)  Since the right kind of women don't do that, then a woman who does must be the wrong kind of woman, right?  So any time a woman shows off even part of her breast, she must be a tramp.  Ok, fine, we've defined modesty.

Except that breasts don't always serve a sexual purpose.  To an infant, breasts are just as innocuous as a fork or a cup.  Unfortunately, our poor, brainwashed social selves are often unable to see past the social definitions we've grown up with, and we fail to see it from the infant's perspective.  So, for better or worse, the general consensus in American culture is that breastfeeding is complicated, but still kind of dirty, and since it mixes sex and motherhood, it makes us feel weird.  Especially when the mother is a "good, honest, sweet woman" by all other counts.  Perhaps women who are still breastfeeding ought to take that into consideration and stop being so incensed by the reactions they get from doing so in public venues; parading your alternative lifesyle choices in front of people who prefer that everyone follow social norms has its consequences.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being more open-minded about breast feeding and not forcing babies to effectively eat their meals in public bathrooms.  In fact, in relatively private settings or appropriate settings (your home, homes of close friends or families, nursing lounges, nurseries, etc.), I'm all for doing whatever it is that works for your situation.  By all means, don't even bother covering up with a blanket if that's what floats your boat.  When it's appropriate.

BUT that doesn't mean you should be doing it where ever and whenever you want.  When you choose to have a child (not "choose to get pregnant" because even birth control + condoms can fail; I'm talking about choose to keep your baby, to adopt, to foster, to date/marry someone with kids, etc.) you understand that you're making certain sacrifices in the way you live your life.  One of those sacrifices for a while is that you have to be aware of your baby's feeding schedule and then adjust your personal life accordingly.

I think it's a double standard to be upset with one mother because she chooses to go out and leave her child frequently with a sitter but not chastise another for bringing her child to inappropriate venues.  Fact of that matter is that both women are acting selfishly.  I refuse to applaud a mother for bringing her small child to a nice restaurant (or other non-child-friendly locale).  I don't think she's crusading against social norms and refusing to be confined to a set definition of femininity and motherhood;  I think she's selfishly potentially ruining the expensive dinners of nearby diners.  Not just by breastfeeding, but because of all of the realities of babies - smelly diapers, crying, using walking space for highchairs, obnoxious baby talk...  It's not like the child is getting anything out of dinner.  More often, it's because the mother has something to prove.

Which brings me to the image from the original article.  Fact of the matter is that the women photographed breastfeeding in uniform know what the standards ought to be while wearing said uniform.  So while practicality might call for them to pump in the locker room in uniform while on active duty away from the public eye, arranging to be photographed participating in something that is clearly a physical sign of affection violates the spirit of the rules they agree to adhere to.  They're making a statement, and inappropriately using their uniforms to do so.

The photographer is quoted in the article saying "These women just happen to be in the Air Force, in their uniform, breastfeeding their babies" as though she innocently had no idea what was going on.  But the old adage is true: a picture is worth a thousand words.  Regardless of the personal opinions of anyone involved about breastfeeding and uniforms and whatever else their campaign is trying to encourage, fact of the matter is that they're selfishly making a statement that has nothing to do with their babies and everything to do with the women involved.

Being a mom isn't "convenient" for anyone.  Being a parent is about making sacrifices.  Sometimes that means putting off your social life for a little while, or altering it to a more socially acceptable location or activity.  Is proving a point really worth putting your baby in the center of a storm of negative reactions?  If so, you maybe ought to rethink your priorities.