Why I'm Against Public Breastfeeding... Kind Of...

A friend of mine just posted a link to this article about a picture of breastfeeding mothers.  Two of the mothers are in their military uniforms (see below).

(Photo Credit: Brynja Sigurdardottir)

My friend's comment on the article was "Very interesting. It amazes me that feeding babies is such a social taboo... I hate to be obvious, but that's what breasts are FOR."

As a third wave feminist (Wikipedia basics), I've got a lot to say on the topic of breastfeeding in public.  Apart from the biological pros (some decently skewed articles here and here), there are a bunch of social issues to consider.

Admittedly, my first response to my friend's comment was "by that same logic, I ought to be able to have sex, urinate, or defecate in public because that's what those body parts are FOR."  Not one of my most enlightened thoughts.  However, it touches on one of the main issues (in my mind) about breast feeding: why do many people find it so disturbing?

One of the easiest (and culturally-influenced) explanations is that breastfeeding might have something to do with modesty.  After all, whipping boobs out in public is generally considered immodest (to put it mildly), and in our Puritanical society "good, honest, sweet women just don't do that."  (For my LDS friends, the general definition of modest living, not the screwed up version that obsesses about the length of shorts, naked shoulders, and "sexy" babies, is what I'm talking about - helpful articles that give some context here and here.)  Since the right kind of women don't do that, then a woman who does must be the wrong kind of woman, right?  So any time a woman shows off even part of her breast, she must be a tramp.  Ok, fine, we've defined modesty.

Except that breasts don't always serve a sexual purpose.  To an infant, breasts are just as innocuous as a fork or a cup.  Unfortunately, our poor, brainwashed social selves are often unable to see past the social definitions we've grown up with, and we fail to see it from the infant's perspective.  So, for better or worse, the general consensus in American culture is that breastfeeding is complicated, but still kind of dirty, and since it mixes sex and motherhood, it makes us feel weird.  Especially when the mother is a "good, honest, sweet woman" by all other counts.  Perhaps women who are still breastfeeding ought to take that into consideration and stop being so incensed by the reactions they get from doing so in public venues; parading your alternative lifesyle choices in front of people who prefer that everyone follow social norms has its consequences.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being more open-minded about breast feeding and not forcing babies to effectively eat their meals in public bathrooms.  In fact, in relatively private settings or appropriate settings (your home, homes of close friends or families, nursing lounges, nurseries, etc.), I'm all for doing whatever it is that works for your situation.  By all means, don't even bother covering up with a blanket if that's what floats your boat.  When it's appropriate.

BUT that doesn't mean you should be doing it where ever and whenever you want.  When you choose to have a child (not "choose to get pregnant" because even birth control + condoms can fail; I'm talking about choose to keep your baby, to adopt, to foster, to date/marry someone with kids, etc.) you understand that you're making certain sacrifices in the way you live your life.  One of those sacrifices for a while is that you have to be aware of your baby's feeding schedule and then adjust your personal life accordingly.

I think it's a double standard to be upset with one mother because she chooses to go out and leave her child frequently with a sitter but not chastise another for bringing her child to inappropriate venues.  Fact of that matter is that both women are acting selfishly.  I refuse to applaud a mother for bringing her small child to a nice restaurant (or other non-child-friendly locale).  I don't think she's crusading against social norms and refusing to be confined to a set definition of femininity and motherhood;  I think she's selfishly potentially ruining the expensive dinners of nearby diners.  Not just by breastfeeding, but because of all of the realities of babies - smelly diapers, crying, using walking space for highchairs, obnoxious baby talk...  It's not like the child is getting anything out of dinner.  More often, it's because the mother has something to prove.

Which brings me to the image from the original article.  Fact of the matter is that the women photographed breastfeeding in uniform know what the standards ought to be while wearing said uniform.  So while practicality might call for them to pump in the locker room in uniform while on active duty away from the public eye, arranging to be photographed participating in something that is clearly a physical sign of affection violates the spirit of the rules they agree to adhere to.  They're making a statement, and inappropriately using their uniforms to do so.

The photographer is quoted in the article saying "These women just happen to be in the Air Force, in their uniform, breastfeeding their babies" as though she innocently had no idea what was going on.  But the old adage is true: a picture is worth a thousand words.  Regardless of the personal opinions of anyone involved about breastfeeding and uniforms and whatever else their campaign is trying to encourage, fact of the matter is that they're selfishly making a statement that has nothing to do with their babies and everything to do with the women involved.

Being a mom isn't "convenient" for anyone.  Being a parent is about making sacrifices.  Sometimes that means putting off your social life for a little while, or altering it to a more socially acceptable location or activity.  Is proving a point really worth putting your baby in the center of a storm of negative reactions?  If so, you maybe ought to rethink your priorities.